I wish it was not the case but I wrestle daily with imperfections. I’m constantly in a mental state of upheaval over what I did what I didn’t , what I could have and what I should have done. Some might see me from the outside and assume that everything is perfect. I smile, I say all the right things that christians are supposed to say but in those midnight hours I wonder. I wonder about my lack of prayer life, my inability to launch out for Christ, my lack of ideas, my lack of convictions to decisively deal with problems as they come or to say I will do create something and end up not doing it, constantly late to appointments and meetings, another is deicide to stop doing something and yet keep on doing it or it’s reverse to decide to start doing something and not go through with it…there are many more but I don’t think I can pen them down. To look at them and possibly expose them to curious eyes will be too much.
Am I the only one that experiences these conflicting impulses? Is this an ailment or an epidemic ? Specific to just one set of genes (-mine) or is it a problem with the species (-man)? I know we are not supposed to compare ourselves with others but I can’t help but wonder the neighbor next door that seems to be doing just great does he have his midnight hours of struggle also? I may never find out.
I do know that I will NOT stop wrestling! To raise the white flag is to ensue defeat and the subsequent slavery that often follows defeat. Slavery to Regret; bondage to despair; Chains of self-pity; NO these will not be my end. At least while wrestling the HOPE of victory is there. The Expectation that though I’m in a valley right now tomorrow I may be the mountain. I believe that Christ expects us to wrestle these imperfections until we become perfect, using Him as our template, our cast! Relying on His grace to forgive and His strength to bear us up.
If there are any like me out there. Who wrestle with these “sins that so easily entangle” us. As long as you are fighting everyday, there is yet HOPE. It has been said that many aren’t defeated, they just quit. Do NOT become a member of that statistic by just throwing in the towel! Every sunrise brings with it the hope of mastery over imperfection.
You owe to yourself to explore every one of them
God’s strength to us all