Questions on Anger

SOkpor_2015_Oktionz-7Why do we get angry at home? What fans to flames our brute emotions in a place that is supposed to be a Sanctuary? How is it possible that one can get so angry with the spouse they profess to love or the children they brought into this world that they would inflict physical or emotional harm. I’ve observed sibling loathing that would make crime bosses cringe. What’s the origin? Is it shame, betrayal, pride? Is it sudden or slow? Are we really without fault and completely innocent?
Over the summer holidays I got into an argument with my brother and our two kids who were in the room with us heard us raise our voices. It was clear that they couldn’t understand what we were saying but the tension in the room was tangible. They ran off to tell our wives “Daddy and Uncle are fighting”. The funny thing was even after we had made up, these two boys kept on disagreeing and getting into little squabbles with each other. I can’t help feeling we infected them with our “anger”.


Why do we get angry at work? Anyone who works retail will tell you it’s one of the most toxic environments with regards to temper. It doesn’t matter what side of the counter you are on. It takes a special grace not to become jaded. From mis-informed customers to lazy coworkers, it’s a lot to deal with day by day. Is there any wonder the prevalence of ulcers and high blood pressure in retail workers? However, does getting angry help the situation in any way? If anything it probably makes things worse. It’s like a gas canister going off in a fire! It goes from bad to worse at an accelerated pace. I had a gentleman screaming at us the other day,saying how we wouldn’t give him his medication order and swearing he was going to die on our counters. I tried to explain to him that his insurance wouldn’t pay and that he had to wait 3 more days. He was livid, saying we were trying to kill him and he then told me he hadn’t taken his medication in weeks. I called his insurance and what do you know; he had filled it somewhere else 20 days earlier. When I confronted him he screamed, “But I only have 5 pills left!” Really? I would laugh but this made no sense at all.


Why do we get angry at play? You’ve played against them before or you might be one. A grimace for a face; a growl for a voice and a disposition that screams WAR. Opponents who forgot there is no prize at the end of the game. They cheat, shove; lie about the ball being in or out, anything in order to win. If a win changed their mood perhaps it would be worth it but they leave just as they came in, sour, bitter and just as angry.

Why are we so angry on the roads? I moved from Nashville, TN to New Jersey. There is a treacherous road out here called US 22. You have to make a U-turn right into the fast lane to get anywhere East or West depending on which direction you’re headed. Unfortunately I still haven’t changed my tags and you won’t believe the amount of times I’ve been given the evil eye or honked at to move faster. I asked some of my co-workers if they’d ever honked at anyone with out of state plates. Everyone of them, laughing saying “Yes, People from out of town don’t know how to drive”. Now once I told them I had out of town tags the laughter ended abruptly.

Just look at driving “road-rage” statistics and cringe. On the news the other night was a special segment on apps for angry drivers. It was ingenious. It showed a camera image for the car(s) in front of you on your phone and if someone cut you off or was acting slow, as soon as you said FIRE the car got shot to pieces and blew up. And this is somehow supposed to calm our rages?


I’m not a psychologist but I have some theories on this debilitating human predisposition.

a. Anger must be infectious. How else is it able to spread from person to person?

b. Anger is a momentary lapse in reason. Actions and decisions in this interim are unreliable

c. Anger often follows unmet expectations and disappointments. It’s supposed to mark a course redirection and precede action. We have come to pitch our tents there and remain stagnant.

d Anger has many similarities with toddlers
1. We don’t know all the details
2. We assume the facts (to plug up our deficient knowledge)
3. We bring in our “truth” and don’t bother to find out if there is an alternative
4. We behave childishly, we shout, we curse
5. We refuse to listen to others point of view
6. We have to have our way or else no one gets any peace

Ecclesiastes 7: 9
Control your temper for anger labels you a fool (NLT)

Don’t be quick to fly off the handle. Anger boomerangs. You can spot a fool by the lumps on his head (MSG)

Don’t become angry quickly, because getting angry is foolish (NCV)

Good advice right?


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